사랑해요
Sarang Haeyo
(And that is what I wanna say, to my one & only you)Whoa, I've been realllllll busy. Haven't been updating!.
Tuesday was tiring yet so fabbbbbb :) First part of the day was a little dull & crappy. Sass & all, the rest of them was trying to make me feel better. Thanks a lot, I love y'all so much though you can't help much :) Sass was uber sweet la, suddenly. I mean, she has always been so sweet but those sweetness don't come as often as before. Heh aye but I still love her! Had Maths test & all. I hope I can do well though I didn't really prepare for it. But I did like practise & all during the hols. Miss Teh finally finalised my background! I kept chanting
I can paint my background tomorrow yaddayadda. Hehe. I just realised we've got like 8 periods of Art with Miss Teh :(
Did some touching up & all, changed the colours everything. Damn nice now. Haha, thick-skinned. Hohoho. x) After Art lesson, watched POP! Aw, it isn't as grand anymore. Damn sad but whatever. Had lunch after that & went for Art. :D Miss Teh was nice & all, in a pretty good mood. Left @ around 545, cabbed down to Compass with Qiaos, Sass & Shijing. They two left to go SKCC & we went to take train. Met Jasmine in the train. Took all the way to Newton. Walked to TheNextStage. Grace was there already, Liyanna came awhile after. Talked & all. Damn funny shitz! Someone's mom was snoring while sleeping on the sofa please!! Damn loud! Fuck man, I asked them to like record but they didn't. Oink oink!.
Class started, the guys came, the rest of the class came. Not all attented but ohwell! Tone Production class was uber stupid. Had new classmates. Actually I dont think they're in Group7 but whatever. That girl's damn cute & funny, the guy's damn hot. :D Alex was funny la. Haha. Edwin's singing is funny okay. Damn low singing voice la the guys! After class, took photos & went off to PS. Made tons of noise, laughed a lot. Well, I almost forgot the blues when I'm with them. Ate @ foodcourt. Aw, memories flashed back but I kept telling myself she isn't coming back, she doesn't care anymore, she doesn't love me so I should move on. So yeh, ate & all. Edwin sat with us, we asked him to. He was damn funny la. Took photos of us & his food. -.- He sat with the guys but like no one talks to him so we asked him over. & he saidm "I got nothing to talk to them about.." SO POOR THING!! I can't stand people behaving this way, seriously. Ate & all then went back. Got home @ 1030pm. Called Nique, & slept at 1130pm.
I love my classmates. I love Group 7, a lot. I love my eyecandy. -jumps around, runs around qiaolin.
Wednesday was great (: School was fine. (Actually I can't really remember what happened.) Qiaos overslept so she skipped school. Had piano, met Liyanna & Jasmine @ Koven. Went to Ps, walked around. Had Auntie Anne!. Saw Andrew [: He was llooking for a present for his friend. We suggested hawt red sexy thongs! Haha he's damn funny la that guy. Accompanied him & all. He got a set of games & a book from Times. [: Walked to the MRT station, took train to Newton. I was disturbing him all in the train. 'Cos it was damn squeezing! & I'm like "Andrew are you excited? How was the squeezing?" & he's like "Oh fun, I like." Something like that, damn funny guy. Class was quite fun, though it's a little boring.
Class was fun, I love my class. I'm uploading the pictures! I wanna make y'all jealous. I've got the best of the best classmates on Earth. They're ever so lovely. Hehe & eyecandy..... :) HEHEHEHEHE!! [:
Yesterday was allright. Actually I can't remember what happened. Fuck glynis, quick recall!!!! Oh! We had English oral!
Well, I wonder if you remembered I told you I'm having my English oral on the 29th. I doubt you do. Did Art first then we went for the oral. Took damn long la! Damn pissed. Got home around 6plus. Talked to Jace in the night, then to Pert. =) OMG I LOVE YOU!! She's getting me Tarot cards. Jace said it's damn accurate but it's expensive. YAY! Payday for her soon, so she's getting it for me. [: Pert you so nice!
Jacejacejace, you make me happy. [:
I'm sorry about the painful past.
I love you!
Tday was greattt (: I got some cert for clean discipline record!! Heh happy!.
I know if you were still here, you'd be so proud of your little girl, me. But no, you'd be proud of your beloved one now. Finally got my shoes!. One Nike & Adidas. [: Thanks Sass & Yj, for accompanying me! Heh. I love you both. I wish I could say, "I'm almost done with Art." But no. Fuck man. Came back, saw mom on the way. Went back home to put my stuff & went to have lunch with mom. (:
I'm attending class soon. Pictures up!
That group of us.
I look so retarded.
Liyanna, Grace, Jasmine, myself & Qiaos.
Khairul(I think so), Jonathan, Alex! Edwin, Andrew! & Jun You!
Candid!
Group 7 is love.
Look at Georgia(correct spelling?!)!
At PS food court.
I love them :)Dotcha feel the loveeeeee :)
Bird; Thanks idiot.
Nique; I feel like tattoing her face on my fucking arm now. It's damn man la, but I rather I feel the pain on my arms than my heart. I feel like seeing the scars all over again like before but it's so dumb & stupid. I feel like going to her place & snuggle up in her bed like before, & fuck inb my mind, I'm still calling her my baby. I'm so not used to it. I don't deny I'm dying to talk to her, dying to rip out my heart for her, let her hear what my heart gotta say. Ohwell, I guess she doesn't care anymore. I got replaced. I'll tell you when we talk. Oh btw,
I miss you best friend. Where are you? -sings where you'd go
Natasha; I wanna see the numbers decreasing darling. Come home soon. I love you, still.
Jiayi; Silly. I'll be fine. [: Loves!
Shuhui; Cheer up sweetie. Hugs.
Rena; Haha thanks a lot hons!
Jasmine; I'm here replying youuuuuuu (:
Steph; I thought you don't want me already! :( Ohwell, I hope I'd be fine soon. I keep having gloomy mornings, puffy eyes. Ugh so annoying. I feel like I'm falling ill. I'm overworking myself somehow, to stop myself from thinking of her, us, the past & the used to bes. Coffee date, soon ok? We need a real nice & long talk soon yeh.
Liyanna; I'll always have God, & you, right? See you later. Love!
EYECANDY LATER!!!!!!!! :D Sorry I'm nuts about him.
I'm still llooking for the courage to talk to you. I would rip my heart out for you if you said you'd be impressed. My words are what you refuse. Talk to me soon, I hope you would. I guess you're happy with her, doing fine without me. Your love died, but mine for you did not. I'm still here, always here.
Should I just give it to her? Omg. :(
Always & Forever.They were lies.
I'm missing you.
<3.
4:06 PM
Mend this broken thing./
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It's over :)
And I'm crying 'cos an important part of me is gone. And I'm laughing like nobody's business 'cos I'm glad it's all over now. I'm crying 'cos loneliness has found me. I'm laughing because I can finally be at ease that she no longer loves me, I no longer have the right to bother. I don't know why the fuck am I crying, really. The pain keep coming back whenever I start laughing, or even smile. I keep telling everyone I'm fucking fine. But well, I really am. I'm glad we both have decided to end it here & then. Things would be better for her. Me? I don't know. I hope it'd be though.
Well, life goes on..I try to smile so the hurt won't show, tell everybody I was glad to see you go. But the tears just won't go away. Loneliness found me, looks like it's here to stay. I know that I ought to find someone new, but all I find is myself always thinking of you.
For the past six months, at my darkest hour, you were there. But now, just when I turn around, & when I needed you most, I don't see you nor your shadow. It hurts whenever I think of you, the past, how we used to be. But I'm glad we were once a pair. I don't blame you for what had happened, I guess I bought it upon myself. I'm a better person now, thanks to you. Your step into my life was a lesson, a lesson to learn. I'm glad you came & now it's time God take you away & put you into someone else's life to make them learn. I'm glad God took you away, so you won't have to suffer with you in stress, in pain. I didn't know how much pain I've bought you, but I hope it does not hurt as much as I do now.
Now in life, I wish you luck, I wish you love, I wish you great care.
You know that my doors are always open, still the loving pair of arms for you.
My love for you has never died, it is still growing.
I love you, Xav.
I'm rushing so I'm cutting down on whatever I wanna say. Even the little para to her, fuck man. I think I'll continue another time. Haha. Nique accompanied me throughout the night. Pert called later on when I was about to sleep. Managed to sleep only @ 3am. Morning was great, couldn't get up. English, maths & Chi was aye-okay. Art was great, I'm seeing my product. :D Haha. Happy! After school, went OLN with the rest. Bought pens & went to Compass. I was missing my mom. Sigh. Had lunch. Managed to squeeze a little. Walked around, here & all. I hate my school shoes. Puked everything out after I got home, fuck damn disgusting. My stomach is hurting like fuck. I'm gonna do my English corrections. I'm llooking for Art stuff now. I'm doing sunrise/ sunset for my background! :D Thanks to Sassy's picture & Jaclyn's reason. Haha. So cute.
There's class tmr & I'm damn excited. Meeting Jasmine & Liyanna to go for class together. I can't contact Liyanna though. Hm..
So many comments, make me hao happy.
I'll go reply, print my stuff, do my English & call Val. [:
Shuhui; Hello girll. I'm llooking around for your url. Haha. Wanted to talk to you & all. Thanks a lot hons, I hope you're healing already. Take care allright. I hope you'd get to read this. :)
Caroline; Perhaps she used to, now no longer. But she's willing to try. Thankyou rolrol darling. [: You know I love youuuuuuu. (:
Nessa; I love you honeydear. Thanks for commenting. I'll be just fine soon yeh. Hugs. I miss you, gotta catch up soon.!
Nique; You called me & said "I really love her a lot". I wanted to tell you, " I love her so much". We both know, we just know. Sigh. Thanks for last night best friend. I love you so much, you know that. You're there 24/7 when all that fuck happened, when I feel that no one really cared. Thanks a lot, I guess I owe you la. And sometimes you should stfu. Lovelovelove.
Kwai; Thanks! And I got that in my head now. :)
Rena; Haha allright!
Say hello to the fucking emo, ever so sad Glynis.
Say goodbye to the fucking happy, ever so cheerful Glynis.
Now, welcome & my life has turned into fucking hell.
I won't resort to silting, no way.
Get it in your motherfucking head Glynis Tan.
010106 - 250606 :)
This time, it's really over.
X no longer go with G,
G no longer go with X.
It only happened once, in this lifetime.<3.
10:52 PM
Mend this broken thing./
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)
I'm scared I'll miss the way we used to talk
This is what Nique dedicate to us on her blog entry..
Xavier and Glynis, treat each other good. Love like these are hard to come by. Dont make a mistake and let the one you love go because a moment of confusion or impulse. Things may not be as complicated as it seems to be. It may be a little too off track at this point in time but I am sure you can pick things up and fix it back together. Love was never meant to hurt.
The words in bolded are the ones I agreed the most. Now I'm still crying so badly. I'm going through as a hard time & I really hope it'd blow by real soon. I hope things would come to an end soon. Be it good or bad, as long as it makes her happy, I'm fine.
To my dear friends, all whom called, texted or left a comment worrying for me. I appreciate them. Thanks a lot sweets, y'all made me feel so loved. :) I guess I'll be find pretty soon, I'll be myself again. That cheerful, bubbly me is gonna be back in no time. Some of y'all's concern came as a surprise to me, especially those whom I'm not close to. I don't mean surprise as in like "Oh you do care" kind but that kinda surprise when I go "We aren't close but you care & I appreciate it" :) Thanks a lot y'all.
Qiaos did a lot for me, I supposed. Thanks a lot bestfriend, I appreciate all that you've done. I'm sorry, you've got the most headstrong person alive as a bestfriend. =/ She doesn't listen to your advises, she don't do what's best for her. I really hope you'd still support me in whatever decision I make & you'll still help me whenever I need your help. I love you Qiaos. [:
The same thing that I'd always say whenever I'm down.
I can be a happier girl.
Genuine or Fake?
I don't really know the answer.
Tammy asked me to make more friends & we both agreed that we'd hang out soon :D Heh. Talked to Shijing on the phone just now. She's one that would understand how I felt, perfectly. Well, she went through the same thing as I did few days ago & now she's recovering though the pain isn't subsiding. I cried like fuck & I guess she tried her real best to get me distracted. Ah well, thanks a lot girlie. :) Mainey's so worried about me that she calls me everyday! Haha that silly girl. :) Pert & Qiaos texted me to assure that I'm fine.
I feel so loved.
I thought of it. Loving someone doesn't mean you have to be with them. As long as she is happy, I'll be as happy knowing that she is. Ohwell, I'll be fine in no time. No more "I'm gonna try my best" in the next love. There won't be another next love. I'm afraid already, I supposed. -Shrugs
Afternoon was well-spent. :D Dad, mom & I watched channel 55, Hongkong drama series. Uber nice. Watched till 345pm then I accompanied mom to watch her Korean drama series! Used the come @ around 425! Then they left to go to Meridian Hotel, I think. Cousin's meeting them there. Dad asked if I wanna go & I said no, so I stayed home!
Just had dinner & had a real llllllllong talk with my maid. She's my only companion tonight. I love her please. Managed to eat a little though, like really little. Ugh. Ah I was just thinking of asking who to accompany me tonight. I don't wanna be alone. Sending Shijing songs online now. Nique went offline suddenly, ohhhh. Just finished watching Miss Swan with my maid :D Heh damn funny! I'm like multi-tasking. Shijing say we'll conference tonight! With Tricia, & maybe Xiuwen plus herself & I :) Yay!
It's hard to breathe when we're apart,
You're that sunshine in my heart,
I keep you here inside,
You've been everything to me,
You've been and always will be,
The apple of my eye,
And I know it's hard to believe,
You're still the biggest part of me,
All I'm living for,
Chorus
I still think about you,
I still dream about you,
I still want you and need you by my side,
I’'m still mad about you,
All I ever wanted was you,
You're still the one, your still the one,
If you love me, look into my eyes and say you do,
Iive been waiting all my life for someone just like you,
Baby after all we’ve been through,
Girl I'm still in love with you,
And I want you to know, I do, I do
- Brian McKnight's Still
Such a lovely heartwenching song :) And if my maid weren't here I wouldn't try so hard not to cry. Oh well, actually I'm feeling better. Yeh on the surface I am. Whatever Glyn. So pathetic. Sigh.
It's approaching 11 & they're not back! Ok whatever I'm gonna reply the comments now.
Jovenelim; Hey hons. Relax, tryna find the codes in your com? If not create a new templete or something? Chill allright honey. It's okay darling, we'll talk as soon as you come online allright? Huggies. I hope you find your codes soon!
Jerlene; Haha silly girl, I'm fine!. Miss your skins man!
Anita; Thanks a lot babe. I love you. I hope you're doing fine too. Hugs back!
Nique; Yeh enough of that yeh. Ay you said you'd still stand by me no matter what leh. Then now you like that. Seriously, don't do anything to her. I love you best friend, don't do anything to her. :( If you're hurting her it's gonna be equivalent to hurting me. I'm sure you won't want to hurt your ever so lovely bestfriend. If not I'm gonna take back my songs ok bitch. Hahaha. You're going night-cycling tonight & you're gonna pangseh me. Tsk!
I finally found my song. 4 In Love's 1001 Yuan Wang [:[:[: Damn old song but I lovelovelove this song. So smooth & all :) Jolin's Jia Zhuang is nice too. Um what else.. My Wish & What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts! Damn nice. Loveliest lyrics. Any songs by Dashboard Confessional & Ashley Parker Angel is nice too :)
Right they just came back & there's cake for me. No appetite. My maid made me Coffee mixed with Tea! I wonder who came up with that.
Suo hao yong yuan zai yi qi de, bu shi ma?
<3.
11:23 PM
Mend this broken thing./
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)
I'll make you care that I am running here without you
Rena; Thanks a lot babe. ;D Love you la.
NatLim; Cause something happened. Thanks for comforting Nat, love you. :)
Prunella; We should talk soon ok babe? I love you so!
Wenlin; Haha thanks a lot for thgat girll (:
Akiko; Haha silly. Thanks for your concern yeh. :D
Lii; Hellooooo back to you :)
Jiayi; Thanks a lot yeh. :)
Nique; Stitches thing is for me what. I'm damn sad now & I'm on the phone with you & you're like shouting @ me. NIQUE HOW NIQUE :(
I'm almost done with my art :D Say yay! I'm damn lazy to continue now. Shall ask mummy to help me later ;D
I feel like telling a story in here, but my vocabulary is very limited. I feel like having a private blog so I can blah all I want in there. I'm crying every now & then whenever I think of her & her, think of us & the past. Everything. I'm fuck painful now & no one knows. I'm crying still, for the same reason, the same thing.
Is she the reason you don't call
like you use to
Fall thru my hood like you use to
Put it on me hard like you use to do
I feel in my mind what's goin' on but my heart won't let me go until I know
Is she the reason that my calls
Couldn't reach ya
the deepest of my love
Couldn't please ya or bring it to me home
Like you use to do
Seeing her fallin 'for your charm got me feelin' like I wasn't good enough
- Destiny's Child's Is She The Reason?
I hope she isn't but in my heart, I know she is. And that's probably the reason to all my questions.
We haven't ended things. We're still considered together but the relationship is on hold. I hope you know somebody loves you. You're up in my head since Wednesday. You're all that I can think of. I'm kept thinking of you, holding on to someone else's hand instead of mine. You're working tonight & I can't end your day like how I used to anymore. :( My heart aches so bad. We're coming 6th, we were so excited about it. Do you remember? And your affection for her shaken this love. I don't blame you for all that had happened. I guess I weren't good enough for you, that's why your love faded somehow. I just want you to know that I'm here waiting, still until you've got the answer on hand. I'll still be loving you, regardless of what your decision might be. And now that you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose, I hope you choose the one that means the most to you. Whatever it might be, I'm here. Still here, forever more. You're still gonna be the one that I'd be thinking of all day, all night. You're still gonna be the one I love so much. Things changed, people changed. So I don't blame you or whatever. I won't turn this love into hatred. I hope you'd come to me soon, with something I wanna hear.
I love you.
It's not how long or short that matters. It's the once alive tinge of sweetness that lingers, embrace those fond memories and remember how happy we used to be. Thank you for what you have given me. Thank you for everything :)
The fond memories we once had, I'd hold dear to me forever, in this life.
***
Nique: u only got one person you wan
Nique: nth else alr
Me: If it was a week back & you say that, I would smile.
Nique: haha
Nique: its the same line
Nique: same meaning
Nique: still true
Nique: but holds different point of view alr
Me: I miss her.
Sigh. I'm so touched by my lovely friends that I cried. Dale saw my blog & came to comfort me. Now she's off to cook. Haha don't burn the kitchen Dale! Adel sent me a heart in MSN & smile. She comforted me & all :) She said even if she left, I've got all of them. Aw, that made me tear. Rena kept reminding me about certain things like someone else would mend this heart. Moronic Nique Chua kept scolding me -.- For my good. Val screamed at me in the email, asking me to wake up & that she was very very concerned. Zel, being the exceptional one, kept asking what happened to us & the phone calls, saying that she misses her. I love y'all so much! Thanks a lot sweeties.
Someday, I'm gonna tell you I'm doing just fine, getting along very well without you in life. Time made me stronger & you're no longer the one up in my mind. And that is so not true. Aiya whatever. I'm crying all day, all night long. Wtf.
He asked me not to be sad & I said how not to. He replied, must. He cares, I'm glad. And I saw someone who resembles him yesterday @ Crystal Jade. I miss him though I saw him few days ago. Well, he makes me happy somehow. And I guess he helped me in a lot. He can be irritating sometimes but really nice & cute! And he never fail made me smile. That's what I like about him. ;)
I heard things that I don't wanna hear.
Fuck this shit.
Those promises out of your mouth are some useless piece of shit that you don't mean.
<3.
10:23 PM
Mend this broken thing./
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Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Wenlin; Yeh I will :)
Akina; Thanks a lot sweets.
Jasmine; Haha you very kanchiong in typing or what? Haha my name is short of one i! Haha. Silly you. Yeh Meg's blog is like so popular! LJS is Long John Silvers!
Anne; Let me know when's the next one. I'll try to make time for y'all :)
Jovenelim; I will tell you when you come online allright babe. I wanted to call you yesterday though.. :(
Zach; Shut up birdie. So irritating la you. Haha.
Rena; Thanks a lot babe. We've got to talk soon! Lots to tell you :(
Kriss; Thanks babe. :) Love ya!
Dale; Whatever Dale, whatever! Haha.
- ; Uh it's BastardBestFriendForever :)
Qiaolin; Glynis says that no matter what, she knows that you're trying your best & she appreciates whatever you've done. Like rushing all the way from school just to lighten her heavy heart & listen to her cry & whine. And no matter what, she lloves you. :)
Caroline; Yeh we really should. :)
Thanks a lot for commenting everyone. Y'all made me smile! :)
I got tagged by Jasmine!
Favourites
Favourite Colour: Red, black, grey, brown & white.
Favourite Food: LJS’s combo 1 :)
Favourite Song: Buttons by PCD, Promiscuous Girl by Nelly Furtado, Temperature by Sean Paul.
Favourite Movie: A Moment To Remember (I watched it twice & I still cry), A Walk To Remember, The Notebook, Honey, Dirty Dancing.
Favourite Sport: -
Favourite Day of the Week: Friday & Saturday.
Favourite Season: Summer & Autumn.
Favourite Ice Cream: Belgium Chocolate, Chocolate chocolate chip, Mocha, Espresso :)
Currents
Current Mood: Bitter.
Current Taste: Nothing.
Current Clothes: Tee & FBTs.
Current Desktop: The collage of Zel & I.
Current Toe nail Colour: Maroon.
Current Surroundings: Messy.
Current Annoyances: My sister.
Current Thoughts: I need an answer.
FirstsFirst Best Friend: Phoebe.
First Crush: Dickson.
First Movie: Ay can’t remember
First Lie: Can’t remember!
First Music: Spice girls or Backstreet boys.
Last
Last Drink: Plain water.
Last Car Ride: Just now
Last Crush: -
Last Movie: I don’t wanna remember.
Last CD played: Damn long time ago.
Have you ever
Have you ever dated one of your best friend: Close friend, yes.
Have you ever broken the law: Haha maybe
Have you ever been arrested: Nah
Have you ever skinny-dipped: No figure, no guts, no courage.
Have you ever been on TV: Yeh.
Have you ever kissed someone you dont know: Haha nope.
Thing you..
have done today: Cried, talked to Mainey, talked to dad in the car, cried, lunch with the family @ Causeway’s Crystal Jade, home.
can hear right now: Jay’s singing Fen Lie.
PEOPLE TO DO THIS:
1. Jovene!
2. Sharilyn!
3. Nique moron :D
4. Rena!
5. Jiayi :)
***
After replying & doing the quiz, I'm still staring at this box, wondering how am I supposed to start blogging. Sigh.
Life's been rocky, I'd say. Raine told me to be positive & I decided that I should. I'm falling hard on my knees & this time I'm bruised badly. Both physically & emotionally. I'm still feeling the bitterness of it all. But I guess with much determination of getting over & moving on, I'm sure I'll be fine in no time. My friends are still supporting me, namely Nique, Pert, Qiaos & Mainey :) I love y'all.
I stepped out & I started tearing like mad. I cried like I never did before. I was in public, everyone was watching but I couldn't be bothered. I can't stop the tears either. LRT then the train down to Newton. Every single fucking station reminds me of the past. Kept calling Nique & Qiaos. Thanks a lot, you both :) Nique wanted to come over after class but I couldn't make it. I made Qiaos come all the way to AMK to meet me 'cos I needed her badly. So she did. Thanks a lot dear, you really tried your best. Talked & cried on the way till Newton. I couldn't concentrate during class. I kept thinking, every single thing hits me right on the spot. I almost cried in the class. Qiaos was paying close attention while I rest my head on her shoulders. Though she smell burnt, she managed to comfort me a little.
I love Group 7 classmates. They made me happy in a way, unknowingly. Edwin is so silly. He wanted to take down everyone's contact number(definitely not because he was desperate but that's what Janet told us to do) & he took out this uber huge pen! You can get it @ Parkway though, I think so. Qiaos & I were giggling to ourselves. I didn't know Liyana was from PLMGS. She was TGKT's badminton tee the day before. I didn't know Claire stays in Chua Chu Kang & Cindy stays in Bukit Panjang. Ben's real name in Benjamin but his email is.. Benji something :) Jasmine's the tiniest girl in class& that made her real cute :) Alex ask the stupidiest question you can ever think of. Ah, I love them.
Sat @ the lounge, think back. Cried & al, Qiaos came to sit next to me. Raine walked over & we told her it was school. She wanted to see my canvas & I showed it to her. She helped me! She even offered to help me paint :D Ohmy, I love you Raine!
"Hey sweetie, dun think too much, or stress too much over things which will upset u... Perhaps u should look on the bright side, on areas which u're better at. In fact, u draw pretty well, just lack of practice n confidence. Nobody can look down on you, unless u dun even think highly of yourself. At times, things may not turn out the way u wan it to be, but nothing is perfect, in order to be stronger, u need to go thru certain things/obstacles to learn. Anything can just look for me... k?"
- Raine, my dearest artiste manager. ;)
Stayed till 930, mom didn't come so I called them. They misunderstood my text -.- Aiya, then Qiaos & I went home on our own. Talked so much on the way. I tried so hard to forget what had just happened. My heart is still heavy. Called Nique while walking home. She shouted over the phone & I supposed that was the only way to wake me up. Sigh. Talked to Qiaos, then to Nique then to Pert. Finally slept @ 415am. Woke up @ 859am, the same thing haunting me. Slept again @ 10 & woke up @ 11.
When you get so intimate with the one you love, he/she was thinking of someone else. His/her mind's filled with thoughts of someone else instead of the one lying in their arms.
I cried like fuck while showering. I feel so _____. :( And I was _________ myself thoughout the whole time. Aiya whatever. Dad bought us to fetch mom & we went for lunch @ Causeway (: Bought my brushes. I'm gonna paint tonight!. :D
On the phone with Nique now. OOMAIGOT. We're on the phone, talking through testimonials & comment box. Fuck man, it's fucking funny.
Nique: Ay omg aiqin is a Gemini!!!!
Me: Aiya bu yao dan xin, ni gen ta bu hui you jie guo de. (Aiya, don't worry la. You & her no future)
Nique: (Laughs out loud)
-
Nique: I just messaged her that I miss her & she replied I miss you toooo!!!!!
Me: Excited right!
Nique: Yeh damn horny now!!
-.-
That's Nique, yeh whatever. She likes the same songs as I do. So exciting. Ok whatever.
Only until I take my leave, then perhaps you'll know how much I mean to you. Maybe not at all. 'Cos your heart's filled with someone else, something so new & fresh. I forgive you, & I blame myself for all these that is happening. Causing my heart to be wouded again. Maybe to you, I mean nothing to you now 'cos I've been replaced in that heart of yours. It's your choice, I'd respect. I guess I'm not good enough for you. Perhaps I should tell you how I feel about you tonight that might be our last phone call. Maybe it's gonna be the last time I tell you how much I love you.
Will you still make me stay & say that one sentence that would melt away my heart?
Perhaps not to me.. Anymore.
I haven't hear you say _ ____ ___ for days. >:'(
Zel wants to use the com so I'm gonna go off now.
My heart is filled with X.
Like a heart filled with stitches.
<3.
6:28 PM
Mend this broken thing./
( )
Say goodnight & go
I'm feeling better tday. Skipping Art, gonna pop by baby's place after I'm done with my stuff. She's back from her class chalet. Taking a bus there, it's faster I guess. I gotta hurry now. Can't wait to see her though :)
I had a tiring day yesterday. And worse of the worst is that my back is aching, my head is dizzy, my arms are feeling the ache. Fuck la, damn painful. It's been llong since I last did such 'hoing' (quoted from Andrew!) warm ups.
Went to school in the morning. It was effin' raining so I got to school a letter late. Saw Eleonora with Rina @ the interchange. Took 119 & I stupidly walked by the big gate instead of the small one. I thought they didn't open la. My shoes & socks are soiled, again. Fuck the rain.
Put my things down & went to the canteen to talk to Shi Jing :) Everything's gonna be fine, cheer up! <3. Talked & all, Shyan came. Haha, got drinks & went back to class. I've started to paint my canvas. :D Damn excited to see the result, even though its ugly. Went for lunch with Shi Jing @ around 1pm. Shyan left for swim talk, Bestaye went for lunch with Carla. Ate LJS again! Heh. Went to get palette & magazines. Hehehe [: Walked back to school after that. Quickly settled down & start on my work. Miss Teh came in to scold & left. My sexy nails finally got caught -rolls eyes. Whatever la. Got them removed anyway. LEft @ around 615, shared a cab with Bestaye. Waited for damn llong.
Got home, took my clothes, took out my art stuff. Mom insisted that I should finish up the fried rice so I did. Met Qiaos & we took a cab to Newton. Got there & we saw some guy waving ! us. Qiaos thought he was my friend. Hahah crazy!! Got to TheNextStage & went to change all. MTV Hip Hop was shitz. I swear I felt like I was being laughed at. Thank God it was the last dance class. Tday's one is.. Vocal Techniques. I went all the way back in the class. I hate being in the front, I could see whatever I was doing. Omg I hate it. I've got cute classmates anyway :) Janet wanted to see us all. So yeap. Talked to us about teamwork. Our class got a lot of cliques here & there while other classes isn't like that. Hmm, I can see it for myself.
930 & dad came to fetch us. At first we thought they didn't come & we're damn happy. Haha but the car was hiden behind the pillar! :( Sent Qiaos home & we went home too. Showered & all. Went to lie my bed. Nique called, talked for awhile & hung up. Baby called, talked for awhile. I was feeling damn fucked up but whatever. It doesn't matter. I'm pretty fine now, I guess. Slept @ 130.
Yawns. It's 925 & I haven't shower & get ready yet. Joel's complaining, I better hurry now. MY stomach damn pain. I'll reply the tags like later or tmr. :D Thanks y'all. Much loved!
Thank you BBFF. I hope you're feeling better.
Love's bullshit. Love's a motherfucking whore.
>:'(
Group 7's class photos, click!
I don't know if it works.
Ok till then!
<3.
8:56 AM
Mend this broken thing./
( )
Hold on to me, & never let me go
So I slept @ around three plus last night. Stayed online till around 1230 & cried ever since. Played the supar sabby sad songs & cried my heart out. Don't ask me why, I don't know why either. My heart's been ripped, I feel. Aiya whatever la Gly.
Okay I think I know why already. Sigh but it doesn't really matter. I think I'll be fine. Everything's gonna be fine, I pray I hope I wish..
I'm crazy about you. <3
I'm gonna shower & finish my drawing. Maid's doing the laundry so I guess I'll shower later on. It's raining fucking heavy now & I wonder how is baby. I wonder if she ate, if she is awake now, if she is preparing to go home, if she had fun. I miss her so much. >:'( Sigh..
Ah just finished breakfast :D Damn random ok. Qiaos isn't going to school 'cos her friends are going to her place. Sass isn't going 'cos it's her 10th anniversary today. Bestaye is going late, around lunch time. Shyan will be in shcool around 9am. I have to go tday if not I can't drop by baby's place tmr. :D
Play Amazed by Lonestar, play Zhi Dui Ni Suo by JJ Lin, play Gui Ji, play Shan Hu Hai by Jay & Lara, play The Way I Do by Macro now. I'll flood Singapore with my tears. My heart is still feeling heavy. Maybe if sheshallnotbenamed calls me/ texts me/ 's name appear on the cell screen, I will feel a tad better :)
Whatver Gly, whatever.
Please continue tying yourself to me, continue lloving me.. )=
And I forgive you for being far away for far too llong.
<3.
8:09 AM
Mend this broken thing./
( )
Got this while blogsurfing.
Damn emo entry, I'm sorry readers. Leave a love note if you'd like to care for the unloved one here, feeling depressed all over again. Fuck this shit.
Went to Compass to meet Sassy @ around 11plus. Walked around. Shopped for her anni present. Took LRT to meet Qiaos. Saw Kelly, Leisha & Anne. Went over to LJS, ate, talked & laughed all. Some primary school kids were like llooking @ us for no particular reason. They llooked weird to me.
Walked back to school. My shoes & socks got soaked 'cos the dumb shoes got holes -.- Fucker. Miss Teh scolded me, 'cos I haven't start. Alyssa, being ever so nice, accompanied me to the library to print my stuff. The com is damn slow & screwed. Omg, waste my time only. Thanks to the librarian & Alyssa's help. (I just hung up with Qiaos & I forgot I was blogging!) Went down to the art room & start drawing. Slack, fool around, draw. Miss Teh came in & scolded me like fuck.
Cleaned up, packed my stuff. Walked outta school, took cab with Bestaye. Went home, rest for awhile. Then tada, online while doing my art. I'm like multi-tasking.
Thanks Dale. Thanks Birdie. Thanks Nique. Thanks Qiaos. Thanks Rena. Thanks Mainey.
I love y'all, dya know that? :)
I don't know what happened. I don't want to know either. If it's something that is gonna take you away from me, or something that you know it'd hurt me right deep down, don't tell me. Just let me hug you tight & say I love you.
Why my existance, I wonder. I rather shoot myself & die now. I can't take the pain. Tears are running like some water tap. She said you sounded pissed. Well, if you are, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was irritating. I'm sorry I was pissing you off. I'm sorry I cried too much that it annoys you. I'm sorry I'm such an irritant in your life. I'm sorry I'm such a burden. I'm sorry I'm too emotional. I'm sorry I'm so fucken sensitive. I'm sorry I'm such a bad lover. I'm sorry I felt that I'm everything you hate. I'm sorry I'm still so timid. I'm sorry I'm making you love me less & less. I'm sorry I'm lloving you so much. I'm sorry I'm needing you so much. I'm sorry I'm not perfect.
I hate it but I have to love it.
'Cos I love you.
"Cry for what? Cry already also no use. Cry already also won't change what she did, what she said. Everything will be fine tmr yeh. Just go to sleep early, do crossword puzzles."
Something that Dale said, but I sorta squeeze everything tgr. :] The point is there, so yeap. I agree! And I'm gonna do that now. Gotta call a few people first.. :)
I don't know. I'm off to cry my eyes out, scream the lungs out, talk the throat out. I'll reply the comments tmr. I really don't know what I've just typed up there. I just needed to rant :(
Well, you'd call me if you care.
Baby I'm sorry, I love you.
Kisses babygirllfriend. [:
I still want you to want me, still want you to love me.
Call me once you reached home or something.
I'll still be missing you.
I'm in pain. I beg you, please don't go..
<3.
12:33 AM
Mend this broken thing./
( )
Pictures!
On Thursday, shopping for papa's day gift (:
@ PS, we saw Barney & friends! :DThat's BJ!
Heh & my purple dinosaur. :D
On Friday (:
On the bus.
The wrong bus.
She was llaughing @ someone. -.-
Bliss. (:
I like that face, so cute. -pinch baby
We're on the wrong bus & we're happily snapping away.
Kiss!
Shit ugly.
Heh.
We got the same pose but that llook on her face makes me wanna smack her ass.
:D
My nails, her arms.
Awww (:
Effects!
I llove you babysweets./
:D
Baby took that!
Candid!
Heh.
=O!
Lovely.
Effects again!
Peaceful.
Ok you're damn tired right.
Bitch. I love you la.
Baby wanna llook artistic,
Ok gosh.
I like.
Ahem.
O.o
Her.
MY Xavier Lin.
Oh vandalism.
Ok.
Baby tired taking me.
Another attempt.
Ooh, my sexy one (:
She said she likes llong necks like Girrafe(spell?).
Hahaha :D
Heh, ehhs` euur meiimeiix sh0 kawaii w0rhs. t0k liike that 0nes`.
Baby
tried
taking
me
again.
Not bad la ok.
Heh.
@ Yoshi, checking out my phone huh.
Close up!
Biting straw.
The end!
Should I go to school? Yes, I should!. I need to finalise & I can start on my canvas already. Hohoho x) So happy please. Ohwell, let's just hope that Miss Teh would finalise mine tday.
Baby asked me to call her @ 530am in the morning. So I set the alarm & woke up then. Called her like 264541559 times & she finally answered. Damn awake voice. She woke up llong before I called her. Dammit, just as I expected. She was in the washroom, showering. :( She was like sorry, I love you la ok? I just like um la bye la then she sounded so upset & I felt bad la. So I just called back but she didn't pick up so I left her a text instead (: I couldn't go back to sleep anymore :( Woke up @ 710, showered & used the com.
***
Do I still matter to you like how I used to? Do I still come under the Special list? Do you.. still llove me? Am I still part of you like how I always do? I love yous' weren't enough, no? What if I were to lleave now, would you cry & ask me to stay? What if I'm hurting, would you feel pain 'cos your beloved one is in pain? Would you feel awfully sorry for hurting me? Would you still say that sentence, five words that would make my heart melt?
I miss you & you do know that.
I just wanna waste some time with you.
False hopes high.
Still high on believing about everything that you said.
I guess I should not put my 100% effort into anything anymore.
Other than just studies & my passion. -shrugs
I'll tryna blog later on the day or something. :)
Keep the comments coming it!.
I'm off to school.
TATA!
(I'm sad 'cos I'm feeling sad./)
<3.
8:50 AM
Mend this broken thing./
( )
MidwestLoveAffair-@Blogspot
